Demystifying Touch and Pleasure

Growing up in Generation X, the only intimacy coaching available to me at the time was secretly listening to Dr. Ruth Westheimer on the radio with my boyfriend. Certain generations might have to Google this reference. Intimacy was and still is, not something we readily talk about. We probably touch our phones more than we touch each other or ourselves. Marlene Bovenmars, a local therapist and coach who specializes in intimacy, relationships, sexuality, and massage wants to change this. She is a co-founder of Unime, a non-profit cooperative that offers several intimacy courses.

Marlene and her co-founders realized that there is very little out there that teaches us the positive effects of intimacy, and the healing power of touch. She feels it is something we need at all stages of our lives, whether we are in a relationship or not. She remarks that as a society we have become incredibly touch deprived. Unime facilitates conversation and activates curiosity around intimacy. It does so with workshops and courses that people can do solo or with a partner or friend(s). They offer them locally but also online for those who prefer to explore at home or at their own pace. Unime advocates relaxing and pleasurable touch should be accessible to anyone who craves it.

Not everyone can afford a professional massage. Marlene believes that learning the basics of Thai massage is a tool we can all learn. “The reality is: most people are hesitant to touch. Let alone give a massage, to someone who is not their lover or life partner. Why? Because our culture has sexualized touch. And because we didn’t receive much or any guidance around communication related to boundaries, limits and preferences growing up.” During a recent massage workshop, an older woman turned to Marlene and said “My husband is really good at this, I never knew!”.

Marlene and I also spoke about a course specifically for women of all ages. It is a great way to learn, ask questions in a safe environment, and address unhelpful misconceptions. This course encourages the rediscovery of the body as a source of calm and pleasure instead of shame or stress.

Knowledge is power. And if Unime has anything to do with it, the many taboos that surround feeling good with our bodies will be fewer in the times ahead. So whether you are feeling like reconnecting to your intimate side because of a recent change in your life or you are a curious person and want to feel life to the fullest, Unime probably has something for you. Thinking of a zero-waste gift for the Holidays? Why not support Unime’s mission by gifting a workshop! Upcoming workshops can be found in the Community Events Calendar. For more information, visit www.unime.ca.

Andrea Conway